Chutzpah gets O.K. from California columnist

 

 

                Of the many things I learned early, two of them have served me well. One, a healthy, almost manic, respect for my elders. It was always, “Mr. Kane, Mrs. Weger, Brother Jordan, Dr. Thorn, President Carter.” Even as an adult, I continued this until asked by a pastor to, “Just call me Carlton.” To this day, I still hail my school principals as Mr. Weed and Mr. Merrick. And even though I‘ve had a different name for 25 years, Mr. Weed still calls me Mrs. Paulus.

The second thing I do fervently is read the state and local papers. As I’ve waded into the waters of writing, I’ve gotten a tad bolder regarding those “far-off” folks whose work appears therein. They must be ‘way smarter than I am to be where they are, and I’m a nobody from Nowhere, USA.

But, as I’ve aged, I’ve realized that if one doesn’t expand one’s horizons, one misses out on a lot of good stuff. Therefore, I’ve sent letters to Charles Allbright, John Brummett, Frank Fellone, and the Voices Page editor.

I even asked Gene Lyons to “friend” me on Facebook! What moxie! Turns out, his son works in Benton. And the reason I write a column each week is because I answered a notice from Editor Joe May wanting news from the surrounding communities, such as Arkadelphia, where we lived. I answered him, not with a phone call as suggested, but with an actual column. That shameless act resulted in uncounted weekly appearances in The Standard––for which I am grateful.

One day last week, after reading a humorous column in the AD-G, I ramped up the moxie to chutzpah, googled the columnist for the Sacramento Bee, found his email, and (gasp!) sent him a request for permission to allude to his piece in this week’s column and blog post.

"Your column, reprinted in the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, "Martini without salt, please" 

... was SO funny--and so apropos of the current diet/ slender/
healthy/ etc. culture. My question: may I use (quote) parts of it for
my weekly column and blog post?
I am a healthy, salt-and sugar-eating 78-year-old woman whose dad
lived to be 90 and whose mom lived to 93. Even during my divorce, my
blood pressure, the doc said, was that of a 10-year-old. What say you?
Of course, I'll give attribution.
Thanks in advance--either way.

In no time, he zipped back this answer: “Have fun with the reprint, and avoid Pall Malls, dear. Go Razorbacks!”

Woo-hoo! Brazenness paid off! Jack Ohman, 54,—editorial cartoonist for the Sacramento (CA) Bee—in his weekly column, set us up for a visit to his new doctor because his blood pressure added up to 303.
  “[He] was very nice and very, very thin. He lightly inquired about my diet, and I assured him that I enjoyed tasty food. He wrinkled his nose and allowed as how he didn’t like pork, red meat, salt, sugar, or anything that came in a can or a package.
“As many of you know,” our writer goes on, “this allows you to eat the following diet:    
* Brown paper bags (unsalted).
*Kale puffs.
*Pea gravel.
*Any non-GMO vegetable beginning with A.
*Two cups of lemon peel.
*Nothing currently available in restaurants.

            Instead of kicking up his BP med, the doc said, “I’d like you to get back on your bike, not be around salt or any salted bicycles, and try to relax. Do you have any stress in your life?”

What Ohman answers is too long for this post, but I laughed out loud. Google this funny man at the SacBee, find his column for Feb. 10, called something like “Pall Malls, sofa and a martini.” You’ll get a kick out of it.

            Happy eating! For me? I’ll stick to salted everything—except bicycles. My blood pressure is okay. But, because it's Lent, I'll cut down to only one piece of chocolate a day.