Thursday, July 3, 2014

Trivia took too long to find. Here's a surprise essay instead

 
 
--Independence Day trivia: Name three US presidents who died on July 4. Two of them died on the same day in what year?
--What Vermont-born president was a real “Yankee Doodle Dandy,” having been born on the Fourth of July?
While “moving” stuff for the carpet layers, I discovered something I thought would be perfect for this week. It was written by someone who shall remain nameless, although I did get the author’s permission to use it. It was a high school assignment and garnered an “A/90,” which for this person who claims not to like to write, I thought was excellent.
                                                 MY DREAM FOR AMERICA
“America is such a wonderful place where people can come from all around the world to live, find work, and sometimes to just have fun. But I think that some things could improve just a little bit. We could use a little more peace. There could be more food for the starving families…, and we could stand to give just a little more money to the poor people.
“Whenever I talk about peace I don’t mean it as just not having war, I mean it as no murder, violence, burglary, and anything else like that; peace means love, harmony, happiness, caring, joy and nurturing. When America and the world has a little more peace, then it will be good for everyone. Also, if we want peace with the world, we must learn how not to fight instead of how to fight. [Here, the teacher wrote ‘good.’]
“Hunger in the world is a very important thing to fight. Did you know that when you eat, about ten children go without food? Thousands of people across America are starving because they cannot afford food for their families. I blame this on the fact that jobs [‘are’] becoming harder to find, and money is becoming harder to obtain. If I [‘were’] able to change this I would. I would help all the people find the jobs they need to make a living. That is one way to make America a better place.
“The last issue I want to bring up is the way lots of people are homeless, starving, [‘or’] without jobs, and that reason is poverty. Poverty has affected many people in America. It is causing people to starve because they don’t have enough money. It’s making people sick because they can’t afford to go to the doctor, and it is leaving people homeless. Poverty [‘my friend’] is basically a disease to America, a disease that we need to find a cure for. Please, please help us find that cure.
“So, in conclusion, [‘my friend’] America has its ups and its downs, and in my mind I think we need to fix the downs. Even though America is fun and an adventure to all, [‘please’] please help us make it an even better place than it already is today. Thank you for listening to my ideas.”
Amen and amen.  Have a happy Independence Day tomorrow.

4 comments:

Dorothy Johnson said...

Seems like mature writing for a high school student, especially one who says they aren't a writer. I agree with author. Thanks for sharing.

Dot said...

Soooo. You couldn't resist editing? LOL very much.

pat couch laster said...

Oh, thank you Dorothy for the 'mature writing' comment. I'm sure his English teacher was responsible. His prelim activities was an inside circle- with 'clouds' of ideas around it.
Dot, I wanted to show the teacher's marks, so I bracketed them and used single quotes. No, I didn't edit a thing. Thanks to both for commenting. I sent it to the author, (can you guess who?) but haven't heard from ... that person yet.

pat couch laster said...

I edited THIS response (sad face): His prelim activities included .... I DO know that a plural noun should take 'were'. No edit button here, alas. LOL