Funny anecdotes from a century ago

by Pat Laster
For those of us who delight in nostalgia, as well as the changes noticeable in journalistic reporting, here are some one-hundred-year-old (or more) items from the old Arkansas Gazette and the newer Arkansas Democrat-Gazette.
OTHER DAYS, (Arkansas Gazette), May 27, 1989--TEXARKANA, May 27, 1889. “For the last month or so the women of ill-repute and other characters, both white and black . . . have made the nights hideous and life a burden to the residents of the surrounding neighborhood . . . Marshall Edwards succeeded arresting twenty-one soiled doves, and it was quite an amusing sight to see him march them in single file and take them to the calaboose . . .”
Here is a poem I wrote based on this item and published in my first chapbook in 1992.
"Soiled doves, both black and white,/ Marching to the calaboose./ Neighbors joyful at the sight,/ Soiled doves, both black and white./ "Good riddance to a dreadful blight!/ Wonder if they'll get the noose?"/ Soiled doves, both black and white,/ Marching to the calaboose. "
A second such item, datelined HOT SPRINGS, October 24, 1939 is the basis for another poem published in my second chapbook in 1994, reads:
"In an effort to reduce stealing of bird dogs, Police Lt . . . . Kauffman began taking the noseprints of such animals in an effort to reduce stealing of bird dogs, police LT. Kauffman began taking the noseprints of such animals.
Here is my poem: “The sheriff proposed/ that printin’ dogs’ noses//will cut down on thieving’/ and keep us from grievin’.// Let’s stop all our riddlin’/ and fork out a piddlin’// four bits (fifty cents)/ to cover expense.// We’ll keep those illegals/ from stealin’ our beagles!”
A third such item—with a poem not yet published follows:
OTHER DAYS, (Arkansas Democrat-Gazette) March 27, 1911: “Something like a near riot occurred on Main street between 3 & 5 o’clock yesterday afternoon when a young woman, attired in the first harem skirt ever worn on the streets of Little Rock or in the South, walked with an escort between the Leader store at 2nd and Main street up Main to Errett Hamilton’s confectionery at Capitol Avenue and back again on two occasions. The young woman’s name was not given.”
In researching this online, I found a NYTimes article dated Feb. 5, 1911, which described a similar event. The description of the skirt was: “an adaptation of the Turkish lady’s trousers to the bobble skirt.”
My poem is: “Oh, look at that!/ The nerve of her/ to wear that costume out!”/ I’d never wear/ one out like that—she’s positively stout.”
And the last one datelined August 4 1911: "TEXARKANA--"One hundred and ninety pints of bottled in bond whiskey were poured out on the ground on East Broad street yesterday afternoon by Deputy Sheriff John Strange, acting under the direction of Justice Higginbotham's court. The event had been quietly heralded about town, in advance, and about 200 persons were mute if not disgusted witnesses of the waste of ‘booze.’ A few groans were heard and, it is believed there were many other groans that were not audible, when the precious fluid was rained upon the dry earth."
My new poem follows: “It rained upon the parch-ed ground/ that precious home-made brew./ And groans were heard from all around./ “You wretched wastrel, you!”/ was likely on the lips of those/ whose salivary glands/ were working overtime; whose toes/ were soaking up the sands.”
Huzzahs to the old days.
c 2011 by Pat Laster dba lovepat press